Khi Armand recently closed his practice, Conjure in the City. One of the things he used to offer was a Spirit Guide Consultation, and I’m really glad I was finally able to book a session with him right before he closed his practice. These consultations reveal about 4-5 spirits of a person’s spiritual court (spirits who walk with the person in this life) and provide ways to more thoroughly engage them. The spirits that appear are not tied to a specific tradition and are usually a mix of ancestral spirits, animals, plant spirits etc.
I didn’t have any specific expectations before the session regarding the spirits that would show up. Before the session, I prayed that the spirits who are the most beneficial to me and whose message is of most value in my life right now would appear, and especially those spirits I don’t already know about. So I expected to be surprised. Still, I didn’t quite expect what happened. I supposed that some kind of animal or some ancestor from a long time ago would be in the mix of spirits. But no. For some reason, only gods showed up for me. And the most surprising part was that only two of these gods are ones I have worked with before (although I was very familiar with all of them).
A SOUL RETRIEVAL
One of the things that greatly surprised me was that the first goddess showed up holding a lost piece of my soul. It was a little girl, around 8 years old, holding a book in her hands. Now I knew that I’ve been experiencing soul loss, but I hadn’t realized that this particular piece of my soul was missing. I do remember though a sudden change in my personality back then, and wondering (even then) why I suddenly changed, why I didn’t feel so confident anymore, why I wasn’t as social as I used to be. It was something I had spent a lot of time contemplating back then, without coming to any conclusions. I don’t even remember anything particularly traumatic happening that could cause a part of me to split off and leave. But I guess 8-year-old me had a different definition of trauma than current me has, and maybe something I wouldn’t even give a second thought to now could have been devastating for my younger self.
Regardless; she’s back now. She isn’t fully healed but she’s back and I’m happy to have her back. Her return was sealed with a glass of wine -part of which was offered to the Heavens and Earth- while gazing at the night sky after midnight.
The other surprising spirit that showed up was Zeus. Now here’s the thing about Zeus and me:
Back when I was 14, I was going through an ancient Greek phase. I wasn’t practicing magic at the time, but I felt drawn to the greek pantheon and was looking into different groups and their ways of worshiping and working with these gods, trying to decide if this was for me or not.
At some point, I started experiencing pain in one of my toes. Thinking that I probably hurt it without realizing it, I ignored it and thought it would go away in a few days. It didn’t. It became more and more painful, until I started limping. So I thought “ok, I’ll give it a couple more days, take a painkiller or two and if I’m still in pain I’ll go to the doctor”. So I took my painkiller, went to bed and fell asleep in the middle of a healing meditation.
I woke up in panic because I thought my best friend (who was there for the summer, sleeping on the other bed across the room) was yelling my name. I opened my eyes and I saw her sleeping peacefully, but I couldn’t go back to sleep because of the excruciating pain in my toe. I tried to move and lie on my side, but moving even a little was so painful that I almost fainted. I needed help, but everyone was asleep and since it was too painful to move, I couldn’t wake my mom up unless I started calling her name again and again, which would wake everyone else up too. And ok, I was in pain but I wasn’t dying or something; I didn’t want to wake 4 people at 5 am just so they could give me a painkiller (the doctor wouldn’t be able to run any tests before 7 am anyway). So I tried to distract myself until someone woke up. Meditation didn’t help much though, so at some point, I decided to pray to Zeus and see what happens.
“Zeus, Father of the Gods, you probably don’t even know me, but I’m having a little bit of a problem here. If you happen to be real, could you please wake up my mom for me? I could really use some help.”
I waited a few minutes but nothing happened. So I decided I need to get to my parents’ room and wake up my mom. Very slowly, I crawled out of bed and on the floor (I couldn’t hop on one foot because the slightest movement made my other foot hurt even more). Really slowly and painfully, I started crawling out of my room. I don’t remember what happened after that point, but I must have passed out from the pain, because my mom said she found me lying on the floor. Later when I asked her why she was up so early (she found me almost immediately after I fainted) she said that she woke up because she thought she heard a very loud male voice saying “Wake up! Your daughter needs your help!”. She thought it was just a dream, but she decided to check just in case and she found me on the floor. I remember thinking “Oh wow, Zeus is real and my first contact with him was in my pajamas, with a foot 3 times its normal size!”.
I wrote a poem for him, to thank him for his help. Worship of any kind isn’t for me though, and I wasn’t into any kind of practical magic back then either, so other than the poem and a small statue in my bedroom, nothing else happened. I went through a period where I refused to work with any kind of spirit, and that was it. At least until I started working with spirits again. At some point, I started having dreams of weird astral adventures. The general theme was always the same: I’d be given a challenge, a task to complete, and there was some kind of huge reward if I managed to complete it. If I failed, I’d die.
The weird part was that most of these tasks were given to me by Zeus, but then he’d be there, making my life difficult every step of the way. I’d try my best, but he’d send all kinds of beasts after me and if I managed to beat them and was close to completing my challenge, he’d show up and stop me. No matter what I did, he somehow always managed to stop me. In the last of these dreams, he told me “Nice try. You’re smart and you’re very creative, I’ll give you that. But you are human. I am a god. No matter what you do, you’ll never be able to outwit me!”. At which point I thought to myself: “Prometheus managed to trick you though. Maybe I can persuade him to help me!”. He looked at me, laughed and said “This might actually have worked, if only you had learned to conceal your thoughts instead of broadcasting them like that.”
After a while, I figured out what the problem was. I had forgotten about this first time I had called on him but he had not. He was offended that I worked with other spirits and other gods, but I had never prayed to him or asked for his help again, even though he came through for me immediately that first time. So I asked the spirit of a fallen hero (demigod) I was working with to apologize on my behalf (because he knew what words to use) and I also apologized myself and gave him an offering. Still, it came as a total surprise when he showed up in my Spirit Guide reading. I knew he liked me and wanted to help me, but I hadn’t realized he liked me that much and that he was one of the spirits who walk with me in this life. He even showed Khi some things that he had shown me years ago, including a gift he had given me that I had never told anyone else about.
So here I am, in the middle of period of great transformation in my life (which means becoming uncomfortable for long periods of time, growing pains etc), giving offerings to gods that I never imagined were active in my life. I have no idea where this will take me, but I guess we’ll see. In the meantime, here’s a video I was told by one of the spirits to watch, in order to understand the transformation I’m going through. Maybe some of you will find it useful and relevant to your own journey: