Why The Instant Gratification Mentality Is Good For You
This post is part of an ongoing series on how to Raise Your Havingness Level. If you want to know what the Havingness Level is, how to find yours, or simply read the series from the beginning, go to Raise Your Havingness Level: Introduction.
In the past two weeks, we talked about how dissatisfaction is good for you and what to do to use it like a superpower and start manifesting what you want.
Dissatisfaction isn't exactly considered a virtue though by most people.
Which raises the question:
What ELSE that isn't usually thought of as a good thing may just happen to be one?
And what if things that ARE considered virtues may actually be blocks instead?
Enter Instant Gratification.
Ahhhh how much people hate even the possibility that they may be after it!
Even in magical circles, people will wear their pursuit for non-instant gratification like a badge of honor! No person in their right minds will fall for that, right? We all know hard work is the way to go!
But let's take a closer look:
WHAT IS INSTANT GRATIFICATION
According to Wikipedia:
"Gratification is the pleasurable emotional reaction of happiness in response to a fulfillment of a desire or goal.
Gratification, like all emotions, is a motivator of behavior and thus plays a role in the entire range of human social systems.
The term instant gratification is often used to label the satisfactions gained by more impulsive behaviors: choosing now over tomorrow. The skill of giving preference to long-term goals over more immediate ones is known as deferred gratification or patience, and it is usually considered a virtue, producing rewards in the long term."
So far so good. If you are patient you can win bigger things. If you keep practicing instead of going to the movies, you'll eventually be able to master a skill, which will be more satisfying than a movie.I get it.
But...Let me ask you a question: Is that what always happens? If you decide to wait and be patient, do you ALWAYS get a bigger reward?
Can't you think of any cases where you decided to do the "adult" thing and wait and be patient and work harder, expecting a bigger reward, a bigger payment, something BETTER than was instantly available to you, only to be disappointed?
Because I certainly can. In fact, if there's anything on my list of regrets in this life, it's all the things I didn't do, because I was busy doing something that was supposed to pay off in the future. Only it didn't.It was a waste of time and energy, and it made me miserable, and I wish I had gone to that movie instead.But that's not even the real problem.
SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
The problem is that that people deify patience and hard word, as if instant gratification is a deadly sin.
And when I say DEIFY, I mean it.
The frequency of people telling me how they prefer to achieve things the "normal" way by working hard for them and waiting for as long as it takes is astounding.And I'm not talking about people refusing to try the latest "easy money" scam either.
I've offered to show people memory tricks to help them learn a foreign language faster (because they kept commenting that it comes naturally to me and not to them) and got that reply.I've offered to show people side hustles that were a good fit for them when they needed some extra money and I got that reply.I could go on and on with examples, but here's the big, astounding thing:
A huge number of MAGICIANS I know won't use magic to get an advantage in any situation, and think asking spirits for help is disrespectful to them, because hard work is the way to go.
And no, I'm not talking about the people who think magic should only be used for some high purpose or enlightenment or something like that.I mean people who do practical magic, but think that -unless they are truly 0% at fault- they cannot ask or expect their spirit allies to help them. Or people who believe that spirits are only there to advice us, and god forbid if we ever dare to actually ask them to do something for us. Because the only way anything can be worth it is by working hard for it.
I'll let that sink in.
People who got into magic to improve their lives actually think that asking for help to do something faster or better is WRONG and that their spirit allies will not lift a finger to help them if they do ask, because they expect them to work hard and have patience, and there's no alternative to that. Ever.
People who join a magic group or forum and ask questions on how to achieve something they are having trouble with will go into someone else's post and say something along the lines of "I don't know about you, but I prefer to achieve things by working hard for them".
Now don't get me wrong.
There are things that are worth working for.
There are things that do require time and patience before you can reap the rewards. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have a solid plan to accomplish things, and pull your own weight instead of expecting magic and spirits to handle everything.
If you come to me for help with accomplishing a goal, I'll be the first person to say you need to use everything you have available to ensure success, instead of relying on one thing only.
But there's a world of difference between being willing to do everything it takes to accomplish something -even if it means hard work and lots of waiting- and actually thinking that using a shortcut when available or using magic and spirit help to do it faster and better is a bad thing.Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of course so if that's how you roll it's your choice.But if this is the case, don't expect to raise your havingness level.
You can go on refusing every help God/gods/The Universe offers you and when you fail, blame fate for it.If that's not the case though, keep reading.
HOW THE REFUSAL OF INSTANT GRATIFICATION IS A HAVINGNESS LEVEL PROBLEM
Ok, now that we got my pet peeve (magicians who think deep down that practical magic is bad and they will be punished for it) out of the way, let's get into the second and more obscure reason that the extreme resistance towards instant gratification and the deification of hard work and patience is an indication of a low havingness level.
Whether you use positive affirmations, write down your intentions to turn into sigil or anything else, you've probably read about a thousand times by now that you should always state your intention in the present, not in the future.
Not: "I will have $3000 in my bank account" for example, but "I have $3000 in my bank account". The reason people usually give for that is that if you state something in future tense, it will forever remain in the future.
And guess what? They are right! Affirmations and statements of intent aside, there's a simple explanation for that, at least when it comes to those things were you need to raise your havingness level.
LET'S CONDUCT A SMALL EXPERIMENT
Remember back in the Raise Your Havingness Level Introduction post, when I gave you an exercise to find your havingness level in different areas of your life?
You basically take your current situation and move it towards something better and better mentally, until you find that spot where it starts feeling uncomfortable, or too good to be true.
Ok, now try this:Take that thing, whatever it was that triggered the "too good to be true feeling" and put it a year in the future. Or two years. Or five.
How does it feel? Does it still feel too good to be true? Or does it suddenly feel more plausible now that you have five years to work towards it? For the majority of people, it is going to feel more probable than it did before.
See, we tend to think that if we are given more time to accomplish something, the chances of it happening will go up. If you have 5 years to lose 20 pounds surely you'll be able to do it! In 5 years you will have definitely managed to get that raise!
But how real is that feeling? Raise your hand if you ever made New Year resolutions feeling they were things you could definitely change within a year, only for the year to end without any of those changes actually accomplished.
The thing is, unless there is a solid reason WHY something would require a particular amount of time to be accomplished, time won't play as big a role as you think in making it more probable to happen.
And by solid reason I mean for example that if you have 3 more years to go to finish college, well if you keep studying then in 3 years you will have finished college.
But if you've been working for a boss that hates you for the past 2 years, having a whole year to get yourself a raise doesn't really do much for your chances of getting a raise.The only thing that happens if you put it a year in the future is that it takes the pressure off of you, thus making you feel more confident that it will eventually happen. Some day.
That will always be in the future.So, for the love of all that's Holy, stop waiting for this situation (whatever it is for you) to change by itself just because enough time will have passed, because it won't.
Being patient in that context isn't a virtue.
It isn't being an adult. It isn't "good things come to those who wait".
It's just self-delusion. Break out of it. Go to your spirits and ask what is keeping you back. If it's not a havingness level problem (meaning if it's not an ongoing issue in your life but just this one situation), then chances are there's something that can be done about it right away.
EXERCISE
Spend some time every day expecting the things you want to happen right away.
If you want more customers, start expecting them to show up today.I don't mean obsess over it. Just acknowledge the possibility.
Your phone could ring right now. Someone can walk into your office or store right now. You may meet the love of your life right now, while waiting in line to get a tall latte and reading this post. Just start observing your surroundings and acknowledging how whatever it is you want can happen right now.
For all you know, the opportunity may truly be there, but if you are so set on it only being available to you in the future and not right now, you may be unable to even spot it. I have another exercise for you that will up your chances of your desire manifesting sooner than you thought possible, but that will have to wait until next week.
Until then -especially if this post struck a chord and you know you're guilty of putting things far into the future- please try to spend some time daily doing the exercise.Feel free to leave a comment or message me with questions, or to let me know how it goes for you!
This post is part of an ongoing series on how to Raise Your Havingness Level. If you want to know what the Havingness Level is, how to find yours, or simply read the series from the beginning, go to Raise Your Havingness Level: Introduction.
