Andrieh Vitimus has brought Magickal30 back to life in the form of the #domagick challenge, and this could not have come at a more appropriate time.
WHAT IS THE #DOMAGICK CHALLENGE?
This challenge is a challenge of self-transformation of a serious personal issue. Whoever joins must decide on an issue to work on, do research during February and then commit to doing magic with the goal of self-transformation of that issue every day for at least 30 days and journal about it every day in public (on a blog, on social media etc). The whole concept came out of the fact that many people spend too much time reading about magic and too little time actually practicing consistently, when in reality 30 days of unbroken magic can often manifest bigger changes than the person would ever believe possible if they haven’t ever committed to that kind of dedicated work daily for a period of time. Head over to the Domagick page to check out the past challenges in the archives.
In the challenge, I decided to focus on self love and self esteem. I’ve talked before about how different situations in my past have caused trauma, and about how the effects of trauma often undermine someone’s confidence and sense of self. I’ve written about how I was holding on to a lot of guilt for a long time (for things I wasn’t guilty of, but was made to believe I was). I’ve done a lot of self work during this past year and I’ve come to realize a few things:
- I am way too judgemental when it comes to myself. My inner critic is extremely severe, to the point that I will shy away from doing things even when I know I can do them better than any other person present, just because I am not overall perfect (as in, there are people on the planet who can do the same thing better than me, so if I try to do it I’ll just humiliate myself in public. Which is like being the best football player in town but refusing to play football cause you’re not the best football player on the planet. See the stupid in that argument?).
- I somehow grew to believe that people love me only when I’m good (as in I will always do the “right thing” in any situation, or my version of what the right thing is) and good at everything (the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most talented, the most witty, the one with the best sense of humor, you name it, I have to be perfect at it or no one will love me, boo hoo!). Which is crazy, considering that I don’t love people because they are good or talented or beautiful; I love people because I love people. I’m usually the one telling others “we don’t love people because they do things perfectly; we love them because we love them! Love is not conditional of your performance in a specific area!” (and yet the dissonance between those two beliefs -one for how I see others and one for how I think others see me- never registered until recently).
- During a shamanic healing with Langston Kahn a few months ago a jealousy issue came up to be resolved (long story, involving some distant ancestor of mine stealing a witch’s husband and the witch cursing the whole lineage and getting attached to the lineage after death because she couldn’t let go of her anger and hatred, therefore passing both the curse and the jealousy down the ancestral line). The root of the issue was resolved, but I had already grown up with that pattern. Which means it was something I considered normal and couldn’t even see its manifestation in my life until it came up. This was further complicated by the fact that -for all means and purposes- I am not usually jealous of other people. There are very specific situations and areas of my life where I will feel jealously, and this always, ALWAYS somehow has to do with love. The manifestation is always an inner manifestation too. For example, it will manifest as me thinking that my friends like each other better than they like me, or with worry that my boyfriend secretly likes his ex more than me. It will not be outwardly expressed for people to notice; it will just destroy my self esteem from the inside. It is also not based on any evidence at all; I will keep thinking that my boyfriend secretly likes his ex more than me for example even if he has a restraining order against her (this is just an example by the way, not a real situation).
So this is what I’ll be focusing on for this challenge. Since self love and self esteem aren’t exactly quantifiable things, success will be measured based on change. The goal is to have some kind of substantial inner shift that will be accompanied by external changes in behavior by the end of this challenge.
Right now, the plan is this:
Use a number of techniques to get to the bottom of the issues mentioned above, explore them, get a feel for them, see what can easily be shifted, and see how to break those that cannot easily be shifted right now into more manageable pieces to work with. This part will take place during the research phase of the challenge, and by the end of the research month I will have decided which of those methods would be the most beneficial to support the magic performed during the next phase of the challenge. The methods that seem the most appropriate for this will then become a part of my daily practice for the duration of the unbroken ritual period, as a way to support as well as further refine the ritual work.
The techniques and methods I intend to use (there may be more added in the future; this is the research and refinement phase after all!) are these:
- NLP methods (possibly supported by energy work) to work with my inner critic and transform the negative voices.
- This method (see where it says “The Antidote”), which has served me very well in the past in removing inner obstacles and manifesting change in situations that were horribly stuck. I already used that method on the jealousy issue successfully for a couple of days (I had tried before but all attempts had been unsuccessful, as the issue was too deep-rooted and if I tried to work with it with any method I just ended up having a panic attack). A side-effect of this method for me is that I will start having dreams that either give me further clues on the issue I’m working on to resolve it more easily, or will bring to my attention other issues connected to what I’m working on, so I’ll know what else to focus on.
- A weekly check of all the stuff in my apartment, with the intention to get rid of whatever is acting as an anchor to memories and emotional states that do not serve me. I went through a very thorough cleaning like that during the summer, but as inner shifts happen I expect to find more things I’ve been holding on to that anchor me to a version of myself that doesn’t serve me, so regular checks are in order.
- Do things I’m afraid of on a regular basis. Not any stupid thing that comes to mind, but stuff I would normally avoid to do for fear of being too exposed or humiliated (like joining this challenge and blogging about it for example 🙂 ). This will definitely continue into the ritual phase, as it cements any inner shifts. It’s the “take physical action” part that makes the changes more permanent.
I’ve been checking different magic books I’ve read as well as bookmarked websites and re-reading the lessons from Andrieh’s shapeshifting course in search for specific ritual methods I could combine into a one-month plan (or even a little longer than that). I am not yet sure how this plan will work, but it needs to take into account that I spend a few days every month out of town due to work and since I stay with a family friend during that time I need to take that into account and find something to do during these few days that doesn’t involve physical materials and can be done without drawing attention (maybe use my inner temple for the ritual? maybe dedicate those days to the use of other methods?).
I also have a honey jar for self love that I made in November but didn’t work with it as much as I planned to, and I’m expecting a package from a friend who made a poppet for me as a gift. Maybe those will fit into the plan too.
I am thinking that it would be beneficial if there was a spirit or god I trust overseeing the whole process. So far I made a list of things I want to let go of (connected to shame and fear) and presented them to Helios in the last Strategic Sorcery Global Rite, asking him to burn and remove them. I also sent the same list to Briana Saussy for the Full Moon + Lunar Eclipse in Leo Here Be Dragons Ceremony. I am hoping that this will remove a few of those fears that are ready to be removed, and shake the rest of the stuff loose so that they can be shifted more easily.